i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
