Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
