Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize