i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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