White coat. Heels.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
