Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
