I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
