I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
