She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
