Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
