we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
