We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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