so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
