We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize