The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
