I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
