Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
