Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
