You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
