If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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