so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
