Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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