she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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