I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
