I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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