It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
