I'm eating all of the evidence.
just tell him i said nine months
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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