I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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