I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
