There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
