You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize