the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
