So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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