not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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