Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i drank out of a bidet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
