those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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