she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i'm inner monologue high
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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