GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
