Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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