We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
