hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
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