I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
