Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
