We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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