Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
