We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
