I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
