i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
