last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
