really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
