Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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