Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
