I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
