Non-Jews are for practice
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize