my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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