Betty ford says i'm here all night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
