I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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