Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Me too!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
