My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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