got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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