Can i not drive my cunt home
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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