Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
