i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
