Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Are we still banned from the library?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
