so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
