so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
