what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
