M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize