I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He felt like a one man threesome
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
