I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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