1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
