there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
