she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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