White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
