If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
