Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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