my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
