apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
