i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
