Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
