He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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