pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
