In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
