I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
