I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
