WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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