i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
