my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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