i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
