i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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