3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
