My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
