R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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