operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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