you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
